Your cat wants to kill you!
Don’t fall into the trap of preconceived ideas about cats
According to popular belief, cats are among the most diabolical creatures the world has ever known. Rumor has it that some cats have even attempted to wipe the human race off the face of the Earth.
There are a number of inappropriate behaviors to watch out for. If you notice that your cat reproduces at least 5 of these behaviors, you can be sure that it’s probably planning to kill you…
When your cat puts pressure on your body with one paw and then the other
Most masters take a long time to realize this. At first sight, what seems like a simple kneading action by your cat on your whole body, is in fact not a sign of affection at all! On the contrary, this is how cats test the vulnerabilities and potential failures of your internal organs. That way, when the time comes, they’ll know (and not just in Middle Earth) how to reach you easily!
When your cat puts its paws on your face while you sleep
The second behavior to watch out for is whether your cat puts its paws on your face when you’re sleeping. To date, there have been no official cases of patoune suffocation anywhere in the world. Simply because it’s unthinkable to link murder victims to their adorable fur balls. What’s more, their legs are too small to cover your face (your nose and mouth at the same time). But don’t let that stop them from trying anyway…
When your cat brings you the rest of the dead animals
As soon as you notice that your tomcat is starting to bring you dead animals, it’s time to pay attention. Try to see how often your cat walks around with a dead lizard, rodent or bird in its mouth, only to deposit it at your feet. There’s bound to be something surprising about seeing him do something like that. Most people think it’s a gift. On the contrary… It’s simply a warning!
When your cat flees your presence
You enter a room and find that your cat is fleeing at breakneck speed! Many people think that this is certainly his way of playing with you. On the contrary, when you see this, rejoice because you’ve just escaped the ambush he set for you!
When your cat sleeps on your electronic equipment
It’s not uncommon to see our tomcats transforming our electronic devices into comfortable heated beds. They understand and master the mechanics of this human technology. Contrary to what you may think, your cute cat doesn’t sleep peacefully on your computer equipment. His aim is quite different… He’s preventing you from communicating with the outside world as he discreetly prepares his next attack!
When your cat ejects a lot of granules from the litter box
Everyone thinks it’s part of a cat ritual, territory marking or some other toc. Not at all! Have you ever taken a closer look at the granules our furry friends eject from their litter? You’ll be surprised to find that only the roundest granules are ejected. In fact, you should know that while your tomcat is practicing burying bodies, he ejects the rounder pellets to knock you over! Taking advantage of his extensive litter-scraping experience to bury your body!
When he stares straight at you for long minutes, slowly closing his eyelids.
In this case, your cat is simply trying to hypnotize and soften you. Just enough time for him to prepare his next dirty trick! But be careful not to look away… If you do, you submit to his authority. Your tomcat will take it as a victory and know that he’s on the verge of achieving his goal. So he’ll do everything he can to hurt you.
When your cat is inactive during the day and active in the evening
You notice that your cat often does absolutely nothing throughout the day… After dark, with the children in bed, he starts jumping all over the furniture and meowing at every turn. Its aim is to tire you out so that your memory and reflexes are impaired during the day. So, without realizing it, you’ll obey him and fill his bowl at every glance. But that’s not all! Like a puppet, you’ll open the door and let him in or out as he pleases – enough to drive you crazy!
When he drops the objects in a regular pattern
The purpose of this technique is to test the degree of control he has over you. The busier you are picking up the many objects, the more he’ll think of you as his pet! So take pride in being lucky enough to be alive… Indeed, as soon as your adorable kitty thinks he’s the master of the house, he won’t hesitate to try to kill you.
When your cat meows to death!
When you hear your cat fighting outside and uttering spine-chilling cries, never make the mistake of going outside to defend your cat. He’s set you up for an ambush. It’s most likely a plot hatched with the neighborhood cats. Their goal? Make you come out and fall on each other.
As you can see, our article is completely bogus! We love our furry friends, so we thought it would be fun to imagine a diabolical plot behind their sometimes zany habits! Were you fooled or did you like this article? Don’t hesitate to share it with your family and friends!
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